2.8 min readBy Published On: May 10th, 2020Categories: Features0 Comments on Heather’s Quarantine Rules

I, like so many of you, am hanging on by a rapidly unraveling thread.  Dates, days, times have lost all significance.  Sleep is infrequent and unsatisfying.  Nutrition is out the window.  I think I forgot how to put on mascara.  I once arrogantly said April was the best month to dry out because it was a nothing month, touché universe, touché.  The ever so fragile grasp I have on reality is anchored by two rules I have sworn to uphold.  I’m tethered to the earth not by the love of family and friends (jk guys if you’re reading this, you’re the wind beneath my wings), knowing I’m doing the morally right and socially responsible thing by wearing a mask and social distancing, or any sense of purpose whatsoever.  I’m tethered to the earth by my two rules and two rules only.  Will they help you?  Who knows, who cares, strange times.

Rule One: No Drinking Alone                                

I sailed through the first few weeks of quarantine with one.  No drinks, no problem.  But as March turned to April and April turned to May, it got a lot harder (that’s what she said).  Sure, I had a couple of Facetimes and Instagram Lives that let me drink with a friend, but when you want a drink you want a drink.  It’s like Abraham Lincoln said, the heart wants what the heart wants!  Luckily (or not), I found a loophole I promise myself I will not take too much advantage of, if they’re drinking on TV I’m not drinking alone.  Currently I’m enjoying cocktails with the early season Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Brandi is always down for a drink!

Rule Two: No Eating In My Bedroom                            

I’m going to be honest, nothing sounds better than eating a big bowl of pasta in bed (Hi Tinsley!), but it’s a slippery slope to a My 600 Pound Life Domino’s Two For Tuesday eating all my meals in bed lifestyle.  I will not loophole this rule, not one bit!  Am I spending hours a day in bed to avoid eating everything in my kitchen?  Yes, but I haven’t gained the quarantine fifteen so it’s giving me an odd sense of accomplishment.  Just let me have this one, ok?


Alright, this one isn’t a hard and fast rule, just something I try to do more days than not, wear something you can workout in.  Am I working out every day I wear clothes I can workout in?  Of course not.  Are my workouts impressive?  Again, of course not.  During a pandemic, “workout” is a subjective word.  My “workouts” are some squats here, some curls there, a sprinkle of ten minutes of yoga.  So I don’t need to wear full workout gear, just something I can comfortably move around it, except for sweats, I will sweat too much, and right now I just don’t want to sweat during a workout.  I don’t have the mental or emotional bandwidth for a full forty-five or sixty minute workout right now, and that’s ok.  I feel better when I at least move my body a little, so follow my lead and wear something you can lunge in a couple days a week, and caftan the other days, life changing!

Hang in there!

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